Cycled today for the first time in a long time

After years of running some times up to 3 times a day, I decided to back off in the last year or so.  I've been recovering from a "flare up" with MS and things haven't been going to well. It has crossed my mind (a few times), that maybe running is out of reach for someone who has MS. Last weekend I went for a short 3 mile run and about 1/3 of the way my left leg and left arm starting acting up.. I KNOW I must've looked like some kind of retard trying to run. I did finish though, even through the pain and being slow. MS, plays a LOT with your mind as well as your body. Many people think that if there's no "outwardly" signs that theres no problem. I'm here to tell you otherwise. Keeping active is VERY important to me. When and if the day comes that I'm stuck in a wheelchair, I don't want to look back on my life and say, "I wish I would have"...
Today, I also had that feeling that MS is starting to make it's "flare-ups" more of a permeant thing. Where once my "flare ups" would be just that, now they have been coming more frequent and not going away completely. I noticed that my once steady hands are becoming my shaky, unsure and weak.
So, getting back to today... I decided to go on a (street) bike ride. All of 6 and half miles.. and to tell the truth, I thought I was going to die. My arms, back, neck and my hands were killing me. I've always been a pretty good athlete. Running has always been my favorite-with swimming, karate and weight lifting not far behind. It getting harder and harder to have the energy that I once had to do the things I love doing. Not to mention the strength. I feel like the harder I try the harder it is to get to where I want to be.
I watch as my family watches me. It's like this stupid circle that I can't seem to get off of. I have pain or a cramp, or forget or my body locks up and while I KNOW I can't do it on my own, it makes me feel weak. I wonder, how is this going to effect my family, how are they going to cope with this? We have such a tight and loving family, I know they'll be there for me-but it does make me feel weird (and weak) to know that while my mind (and body-most days) can do anything-the tumors in my head are in control of EVERYTHING.. And that I'm not ok with. So, I'll fight through this one day at a time and one flare up at a time.